KAMATI-PARTY YA KUMPONGEZA UHURU KENYATTA KWA USHINDI

Via Cabu Gah

I have just attended a closed-door meeting where plans for the BIG UHURUTO BASH PARTY were being discussed. All politicians from All coalitions will attend. Mary Wambui of Othaya was the M.C. And I recorded her distributing responsibilities to various politicians on that BIG DAY...

FOOD:
Hiyo ni sector ya Ngilu na Mudavadi. Mambo ya Ugari wewe Ngiru ndio utashugurikia. Ugari razima ipikwo kupikwo. Sufuria utaoba Mama Ngina. Na mwiko chukua kwa bibi ya Kabogo. Na wewe Mudavadi unatakiwa uchije kuku erfu biri. Na miguu urete niweke. Sitaki upotee nayo. Na pia stew,wewe dio utapika,sawa sawa MaDVD??

COWS:
Kutachijwo ng'ombe mia sita. Na kazi ya ng'ombe ni ya Gideon Moi. Na usiniurize hizo ng'obe zote zitatoka wapi, chukua za baba yako. Na ngozi ya ng'obe usitupe. Wekea Waititu. Arikuwa ame-book. Na ni ng'ombe za dume pekee. Sio ati muende mukachije ng'obe za musichana....

SERVING:
Kethi Kilonzo wewe dio utafanya serving ya kuku. Miguu yote ni ya senior politicians kama Uhuru,Kibaki na Ruto...Vifua itakuriwo na the second senior poriticians kama Kidero na Ngilu na Barara. Arafu shingo zitakuriwo na akina Bifwoli Wakori na Ma MP wa Meru,na katharika.

TEA:
Wetangula chai ni kazi yako. Unafaa upike rita mia moja za chai. Thafuria za kupika kujia kwangu. Na kama hazitatosha chukua za bibi ya Muite. Chai upike kupika. Na maziwa ikuwe mabo baya. Sukari tutatumia ya Mumias STRICTLY. Si ati mukuje kutuwekea sukari sukari za kienyeji hapa ziko na mpaka maganda ya miwa dani. Umeskia Wetagura??

ENTERTAINMENT:
Esther Murugi,si urikuwa umesema utatoa guo uhuru akiperekwo Hague? Haaaaya. Sasa wewe dio OFFICIAL STRIPPER wa hio party. Utapatiwo better details na your fero strippers Huddah Monroe na Vera Sidika,ure wa You Guy. Mutastripia foreign dignitaries. Akina Jacob Zuma wa South Africa. Na muvae ada wear safi! Ní mwaigua??

TOILET:
Joshua Kutunny hata kama watu wa Cherengany warikunyima kazi ,mimi nitakupea. Wewe dio utashugurikia mabo ya kuonyesha wageni choo. Utavaa uniform imechorwa choo bere na nyuma. Na utasimama mahari strategic. Mugeni akitaka kwenda choo,utamupereka. Na akitaka kuhara,unambeba mpaka kwa choo bio bio.

ALCOHOL.
William Kabogo hii dio kazi yako. Pobe razima ikuwe kwa wingi. Na kutakuwa na category tatu ya pobe. Pobe za ma VIP,akina Uhuru,yaani Barcadi na Cîroc. Pobe za kawaida,yaani Pilsner na Tusker,za akina Njeru Githae na Peter Kenneth. Harafu pobe za makali,yaani Bluemoon. Za akina Waititu na Muite.

HYPEMAN:
Orengo na Ababu Namwamba,nyinyi dio mutakuwa ma Hypemen. Na maM.C wa iyo siku. Nataka muINCITE watu wajae kwa dancefroo. Na pia muINCITE D.J acheze nyibo moto moto.

SECURITY:
Martha Karua,kazi ya uBOUNCER ni yako PEKE YAKO. Utakuwa hapo kwa enterance. Mutu akireta nyoko nyoko,unamchapa tu ire jicho yako ya 'Iron Lady' mpaka anaturia. Hapo najua uko chojo kama gari ya zimamoto.

USHERS:
Esther Passaris na Peter Kenneth. Nyinyi dio mutakuwa Main Ushers. Mutavaa guo zinafanana za rangi nyekudu kama damu ya mbuzi kwa kichijio. Na muchanue nywere kama ciana sya thukuru. Ní mwaigua??

COMEDY:
Otieno Kajwang' iyo dio sector yako. Wewe na Sonko nataka mushekeshe watu mpaka washute ama wajikojoree. Whichever comes first. Na usianze kuiba ati mapabano,mapabano. Nyibo pereka Supreme Court.

WOMEN'S HANDBAGS:
Iyo ni kazi yako Chebes(Shebesh) .wewe dio utachunga handbag za female guests. Sijui utaziweka wapi ,rakini nataka zikuwe safe. Ata kama utazificha kwa nywere yako ni sawa. Bora security.

HAND-WASHING:
S.K Macharia, kazi ya kuosha guests mikono ni yako. Nataka uwaoshe mikono mpaka ikuwa safi kama signal ya Citizen T.V Githurai. Sawa sawa? Thafuni wa kuosha mikono utachukua kwa duka ya Kabado wa Kabado.

SOCIAL MEDIA:
Dennis Itumbi uko wapi ? Iyo dio area yako. Utakuwa ukipiga pisha every minute arafu unazi uproad kwa facebook na twita. Harafu unanitag. Na unatag Robert Alai pia dio asikie kíwaru. Sawa Sawa??

PARKING:
And finally mabo ya parking itashugurikiwo na Waititu. Mutu aki-park vibaya unachapa gari yake mawe mpaka unamariza vioo. Na akiedelea kupark vibaya unaINCITE watu dio muchome iyo gari mpaka aitoe hapo. Hapo sawa? Haaaaaya!

BARIKIWENI . Madugu na Madada.

SOURCE>JF